But her must-be-avoided list was far lengthier, and it included all of my favorite foodstuffs: asparagus, chicken, garlic, onions and dairy products. Sex writer Katy Bell - who says she has "slurped the milky way from California to New York to Mexico" - ticked off three nutritional tips for a mellow ejaculate: hard candies, gallons of apple juice and fruit. Shrewdly, she stalled my self-disgust by conveying only the sperm taste enhancers: "plums, nectarines, oranges, lemons, limes, parsley, cilantro, spearmint, peppermint, grapefruit and green tea." Unfortunately, I don't nibble on any of that sissy stuff. Sex surrogate Tara Livingston of Los Angeles received my next panicked call. Sprinkle also suggested that "smoking, drinking, drugs and asparagus negatively affect the flavor." I'm 48 and I never eat sweets, so my phallus phlegm is getting fouler every day? I decided to stop querying gay guys immediately my survey swiveled instead to wide-jawed women.Įx-porn star Annie Sprinkle established her expertise on the topic when she modestly mentioned to me that she had "swallowed the cum of probably over 1,000 men." Her wholesome opinion - "vegetarians have sweeter sperm than meat eaters" - echoed Trebor's frightening analysis. My following experiences left me with the impression that the older you get, the nastier your sperm tastes. Al Lujan, a head-bobbing writer, performer and filmmaker, said that the first sperm he swallowed tasted the best because "it was dispensed from a 15-year-old kid who lived off candy. Trebor's report depressed me, because I'm neither vegetarian nor an avid imbiber of beverages.
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Also, a man whose mouth tastes good will always have delicious cum, while a foul kiss leads to less-than-fabulous sperm." I began my research by telephoning the busiest cocksucker I know: Trebor Healy, a gay poet who has praised slurping in paeans such as "Dick Prayer," "The Big Cock Candy Mountain" and "The Star-Spangled Boner." Trebor informed me that "organic vegetarians taste the best, and those who drink plenty of liquids put out a better consistency the dehydrated lad can get a bit thick. there's something he could eat to make it sweeter." Her subsequent attempt to detox his dribblings with wheat grass juice and a ginger-melon smoothie proves unsuccessful, but I still wondered wistfully: Is a herbal remedy available? Is there a semen-sweetening savior? When Samantha presents her pungent dilemma at lunch to her female friends, they advise her that "it has something to do with nutrition.
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"Sex and the City" provided me with a glimmer of hope, though, a key to decontaminating the puddles of my prick. Ever since then, my glee at getting my lollipop licked has been tainted with advance remorse: My receiver is about to be nauseous. My lover Robyn perceived my bluff she forced me to admit that I loathed the salty, viscous wad. I lied too, 25 years ago, when I gobbled through the same horrible gastronomic gantlet. Although he reports that he's "fine with it," we know that he's lying. "If you're fine with it, I'll be fine with it." Adam initially resists sampling his spooge ("It's gay!" he whines), but eventually he chokes down his rancid cum, with an anguished expression on his defeated visage.
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"You try it!" Samantha challenges her bewildered beau (Adam) when he bellows that she's acting like a squeamish princess. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, please just spit it out anywhere, on me or the blankets I'll clean it up and I'll bring you a big glass of cold water." Blow jobs bestowed on my happy organ invariably end with me mumbling ashamedly, as if I had just splattered eggnog all over the Christmas table. Fear of Samanthas also inhibits me: My crotch loves a tongue-lashing but my ego doesn't. I adore oral acceptance of my penile offering, but I'm cravenly apologetic asking for it, because I'm sure the texture and flavor are repulsive on my lover's palate. I winced watching this, because I am consumed with greedy but guilty desire when it comes to the issue of squirting inside the mouth and swallowing. "Giving head is like a trip to the rotten-egg buffet." 6 "Sex and the City" episode, as she refuses to fellate his foully spurting member. "You've got funky-tasting spunk," Samantha tells her bitter paramour on the Aug.